There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way I usually write stories, or rather, things that should at least resemble stories from time to time.
First of all, I have the abnormal tendency to write fiction almost exclusively in English. I have not the slightest idea why I do this, besides the fact that even at a conscious level, I find it more suited for depicting emotion and describing situations than I find Dutch. It has a certain clarity and feel to it, which somehow I miss in my native language. Or maybe I’m just not able to bend it well enough. I sometimes even have trouble translating my own emotions into the tongue I’ve used for about eighteen years now.
Without trying to be all too smug, I’d like to think my use of English is above average. For a non-native that is. Yet I can’t possibly expect my proficiency in it to surpass my natural linguistic knowledge of the Dutch language? So why the hell do I do it?
Secondly, I suck at conceiving a decent enough plot line. I just start creating the first sentences of the first paragraph of the very first chapter out of absolutely nothing. Most of the time, I immediately set the tone by describing every detail you need to know, like the opening shot of a film. Or I keep it mysterious by keeping you out of the loop of what’s happening. Either way, I try to drag you in from the moment you start reading. (If you get to read it at all, that is.)
Despite that self appointed strong-suit, I always get stuck because I have no idea where I’m headed. Unfortunately, that often happens even before the end of the first page.
Even when I know what I’m doing, I usually start to doubt the shameless excuse for a plot I’ve devised and simply stop writing. Which brings me to another thing.
I’m too much of a perfectionist. I write down a sentence, which is usually the only one I’m reasonably pleased with, out of many already lined up in my head. Then I rewrite it. Then I read it again, sometimes out loud, and I replace certain words with synonyms that just seem to have a much nicer flow to them. Then I write the second sentence and start all over again.
When I’ve reached the end of a paragraph, I check it for any mistakes, verb constructions I used too often, words that don’t really fit the feel of what I’m trying to get across or punctuation that isn’t really what I wanted. Sometimes, a minute detail causes me to rewrite the whole paragraph, because it just doesn’t please me. Suffice it to say, it takes a long time for me to move on and actually finish something I’ve started.
Also, I’m addicted to adverbs and adjectives. Less is more just doesn’t work for me. Adverbs add extra meaning to a verb, clarify what is really happening and create several more layers to a certain action. Adjectives are the pencils you use to colour in between the lines and adjust the mood. They are both vital to the essence of that which I try to create. That little bit of magic which sometimes sneaks into it.
At the end of the ride, everything has to fit together like a jigsaw puzzle, words being the picture being put together and punctuation being the form of the pieces. Indeed, every point, comma, exclamation mark and question mark has to have its use. Everything from a short pause to the apparent simplicity of closing a sentence just has to fit.
Finally, to top tings of, I have a loose delete-finger. If I don’t like it, I’m prone to deleting entire sections of text or –worst case scenario– I erase everything. End of story. Literally. Until, sometimes, regret follows much too late.
I don’t really know what I want to achieve by putting this on my blog. Perhaps I just want to vent some frustration. Maybe I hope to receive some advice. Maybe I want to hear how you do it, provided of course you write.
It doesn’t matter really. Writing this has prevented me from simply staring at an empty sheet of (virtual) paper. That, my friends, is the worst demon of them all. The terror of facing an empty page.
Oh, and just for the record. I actually can write something fairly fast, yet I won’t be as happy with it as I could be. So if a future employer reads this, I can work towards a deadline. But only if necessary.
Geplaatst door Suiadan
